[Image description: A chart illustrating what sex acts burn off the calories from what foods. 1 hour of intensive foreplay (114 breaths per minute) or 18 minutes of intercourse burns off 1 slice (large) of chocolate cake. 26 minutes of nonstop intercourse plus one 9-minute orgasm, or the equivalent burns off 2 slices of pizza with extra cheese, meatballs and mushrooms. 16 minutes of frisking and tickling partner burns off 9 lollipops. 53 minutes of French kissing or 25 minutes of normal foreplay or 6 minutes of abnormal foreplay burns off 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries and a dollop of ketchup. Finally, 2 hours of bondage or 47 minutes of flogging using a medium-weight flog burns off 2 bottles of beer, large portion of spaghetti and 1 slice of toast. End description.]
What is abnormal foreplay and how do I get 9 minute orgasms?
You know you’re asexual when you’d rather have most of what’s on the right hand side than the left.
If sexual people are having sex in order to burn off cake… is that directly oppressing us? ;-)
I just…have so many questions. how do you even French kiss someone for 53 minutes? what exactly is “abnormal” foreplay? how do you know if your foreplay is “intensive” enough?
It clarifies for you—114 breaths per minute equals “intensive” foreplay.
Which is, like. Almost two breaths per second, so uh.
Don’t die while you’re at it.
This chart is actually the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.
Mmm, I’m in the mood to burn off a couple bottles of beer, a large portion of spaghetti, and a slice of toast. If you know what I mean.
NINE MINUTE ORGASM?! sign me up. ::carb loading::