get free or die tryin'.

my 5 years in HR tells me different. read my comments in bold/ italic text.

karbarkalediscope:

Got this in an email. I know alot of my fellow tumblrites are funemployed and I found some of these points interesting. 

22 Secrets HR Won’t Tell You About Getting a Job

1. “Once you’re unemployed more than six months, you’re considered pretty much unemployable. We assume that other people have already passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.” -Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive 

in this economy, 6 months or more of unemployment is not atypical. as a matter of fact, 1 year or more has become the average period (in the area of our hiring pool), and is not frowned upon. 

2. “When it comes to getting a job, who you know really does matter. No matter how nice your résumé is or how great your experience may be, it’s all about connections.” -HR director at a health-care facility

the connections can sometimes get you in the door. it also depends on the industry and organization. in civil service, for instance, you can tell someone to apply for a job but their connection to you usually doesn’t mean anything.

3. “If you’re trying to get a job at a specific company, often the best thing to do is to avoid HR entirely. Find someone at the company you know, or go straight to the hiring manager.” -Shauna Moerke, an HR administrator in Alabama who blogs at hrminion.com

sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn’t. 

4. “People assume someone’s reading their cover letter. I haven’t read one in 11 years.” -HR director at a financial services firm

cover letters shouldn’t ever be too flowery or long, unless the job advert asks specifically for a statement of purpose or something of that ilk. make sure you use language in your cover letter, however, that will convince folks to read your resume.

5. “We will judge you based on your e-mail address. Especially if it’s something inappropriate like kinkyboots101@hotmail.com or johnnylikestodrink@gmail.com.” -Rich DeMatteo, a recruiting consultant in Philadelphia

TRUE FACTS. i once had an applicant whose email address was phillybackshotz at (provider name redacted) dot com. i refused to add them to our mailing list. refused.

6. “If you’re in your 50s or 60s, don’t put the year you graduated on your résumé.” -HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

if the HR professional in question follows EEOC rules, they’re likely not to discriminate based on the age of an applicant. but, unfortunately, you can’t guarantee that someone won’t decide that you’re “too old.”

7. “There’s a myth out there that a résumé has to be one page. So people send their résumé in a two-point font. Nobody is going to read that.” -HR director at a financial services firm

two pages is the standard. if you’ve got a CV, it’s longer — but the best thing to do is tailor your resumes to include experience relevant to the position you’re applying for.

8. “I always read résumés from the bottom up. And I have no problem with a two-page résumé, but three pages is pushing it.” -Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida

yes.

9. “Most of us use applicant-tracking systems that scan résumés for key words. The secret to getting your résumé through the system is to pull key words directly from the job description and put them on. The more matches you have, the more likely your résumé will get picked and actually seen by a real person.” -Chris Ferdinandi, HR professional in the Boston area

i don’t know anything about tracking systems that don’t involve the eyes and thought processes of actual human beings from start to finish. 

10. “Résumés don’t need color to stand out. When I see a little color, I smirk. And when I see a ton of color, I cringe. And walking in and dropping off your resume is no longer seen as a good thing. It’s actually a little creepy.” -Rich DeMatteo

a little color is great. don’t drown your resume in anything bright or loud. this goes for color and fragrance alike. most employers DO NOT WANT direct contact in the way of drop-ins. don’t do that unless they say it’s okay to do so.

Secrets About the Interview

11. “It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people. There’s an Internet. Look it up.” -HR professional in New York City

do some research before you even write the cover letter. don’t waste your time or theirs — if you aren’t certain that you can really get down with that organization, do yourself a favor and don’t apply. research the organization to the best of your ability. and make sure you research your contacts at the organization —most executives who’re tech savvy have profiles on linkedin.com.

12. “A lot of managers don’t want to hire people with young kids, and they use all sorts of tricks to find that out, illegally. One woman kept a picture of two really cute children on her desk even though she didn’t have children [hoping job candidates would ask about them]. Another guy used to walk people out to their car to see whether they had car seats.” -Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive 

 this is illegal. if you find out that an HR pro is doing this, please feel free to contact some authority or bring a suit. 

13. “Is it harder to get the job if you’re fat? Absolutely. Like George Clooney’s character said in Up in the Air, ‘I stereotype. It’s faster.’” -Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the Evil HR Lady on bnet.com

discrimination based on body type is not illegal. not yet. however, i’m from philly — we were once the fattest city in the nation. nobody’s counting your chichos around here. can you do the job?

14. “I once had a hiring manager who refused to hire someone because the job required her to be on call one weekend a month and she had talked in the interview about how much she goes to church. Another candidate didn’t get hired because the manager was worried that the car he drove wasn’t nice enough.” -HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

again — some of this is illegal. the church stuff specifically, could be viewed as religion-based discrimination. ultimately, if someone’s gonna be a jackass about their position as manager or HR professional, you don’t wanna work with or for them anyway. 

15. “Don’t just silence your phone for the interview. Turn it all the way off.” -Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Florida

ALWAYS. 

16. “If you’ve got a weak handshake, I make a note of it.” -HR manager at a medical-equipment sales firm

yup. a lot of us make note. depending on the individual, the handshake means a lot.

17. “If you’re a candidate and the hiring manager spends 45 minutes talking about himself, the company or his Harley, let him. He’s going to come out of the interview saying you’re a great candidate.”  -Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix, who blogs at hrcapitalist.com

unfortunately, yeah. let them run their mouth about their shit. make note of it. maybe you don’t want/ need to work there …

Things to Know About Salary Negotiation

18. “There’s one website that drives all HR people crazy: salary.com. It supposedly lists average salaries for different industries, but if you look up any job, the salary it gives you always seems to be $10,000 to $20,000 higher than it actually is. That just makes people mad.” -HR director at a public relations agency

TRUTH. 

19. “On salary, some companies try to lock you in early. At the first interview, they’ll tell me to say, ‘The budget for this position is 40K to 45K. Is that acceptable to you?’ If the candidate accepts, they’ll know they’ve got him or her stuck in that little area.” -Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama

always say that your salary is negotiable depending on the benefits package. if there are no benefits, ask for more cash. this should all be dependent on your experience in the field and your last three positions’ salaries.

20. “You think you’re all wonderful and deserve a higher salary, but here in HR, we know the truth. And the truth is, a lot of you aren’t very good at your jobs, and you’re definitely not as good as you think you are.” -HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

again, truth. some people really do suck. 

21. “Be careful if a headhunter is negotiating for you. You may want extra time off and be willing to sacrifice salary, but he is negotiating hardest for what hits his commission.” -HR professional in New York City

yes. 

22. “I once hired someone, and her mother didn’t think the salary we were offering was high enough, so she called me to negotiate. There are two problems with that: 1) I can’t negotiate with someone who’s not you. 2) It’s your mother. Seriously, I was like, ‘Did that woman’s mother just call me, or was that my imagination?’ I immediately withdrew the offer.” -HR professional in New York City

yes! it’s not okay to have anyone do your negotiating unless they’re a headhunter!